So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
