I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
