I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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