she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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