Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drake has all the answers
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
