id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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