Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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