What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
