I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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