I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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