Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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