what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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