My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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