it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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