he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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