CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
