i want to swaddle you in tequila
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
