So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
