So drunk its hurt
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
