I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
