I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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