If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
