My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
