apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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