the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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