I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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