guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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