best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
