I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
