There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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