had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize