Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
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! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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