An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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