foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
