Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The air taste purple.
Randomize
