We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
