im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
