dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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