Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
