I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
