The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
