He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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