i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
