And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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