Non-Jews are for practice
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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