Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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