hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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