ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
