I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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