I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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