and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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