Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
