I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
