My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
