Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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