Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
