fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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