i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
