One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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