So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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