you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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