there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
