My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
