eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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