I got chris browned last night
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
