so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
