standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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